Bad Baby Names

2015 Girl Names

July 7, 2016

Alphabetical list of all girl names in Alberta, Canada (2015)

I have to say, I think we did pretty well for girl names last year all things considered! Still some absolutely jaw-dropping selections as you’ll soon see, but oh man, just wait for the boy round-up. What a mess!

Anyways, the main take-away from 2015 is that anything is a girl name as long as you slap “-lynn” onto the end. For example, Brakelynn, Dezlynn, Hazielyn, Jaxlynn, Lakelynn, Kayzlyn, Nashlyn, Maxielyn, Tayt-Lynn and Zenlyn.

And this might be just a personal preference, but I can always do without seeing “yly” in a name. Braylyn, Daylynn, Jaylyn, Kaylyn, Raylyn, Zaylyn, you look greedy for Ys. Rhylynn, Skylynn (ugh) and Rubylyn, not a fan of you either. Bayyina and Rayyana: Why two Ys? And the worst, Breylyyn. Y overload!

The -lyns are taking a world tour! Berlyn, IreLynn, Portlyn and Scotlyn.

Oh, adding “-leigh” also a girl name makes: Greyleigh, Heartleigh, Huntleigh,  Kayze-Leigh, Presleigh, Tinsleigh and Zayleigh.

I had to laugh at the forced southern drawl imposed by Blessinn’, Darlyn, Hunny, Mornin-Starr and Stylin.

We’ve got some high expectations for Amazing, Deity, Esquire, Gracious-Gift, Heavenly, Honour-Praise, Magnificent, Mercyfavor, Paradise, Prize, Utopia and Winsome. And I suppose parents were pretty happy about Comfort, Delight, Favour, Freedom, Honesty, Precious, Testimony, Treasure, Twinkle and Unity.

Is Madailein the worst stab at spelling Madeleine ever made? Or is this jumble pronounced “Mad-eileen”? Or “Ma-daeleon”? I pity this kid’s substitute teachers.

Klhoe. When she Googles her name she’ll just get all the times people spelled Khloe Kardashian wrong.

I guess we just can’t get our seasons figured out: we have Auttumn, Awtumn, Sumer and Wynter.

Zepplin, Zepplyn, Jagger… Maybe it’s me but I think these classic rock homages belong on dogs and not daughters.

“I know you’re tired from labour & delivery but have you decided what to name your baby girl?” “Ummm, well, hmmm… ummm…. mmmm… Mnjessica.”

Another Symphany? Must we have one every year?

Darn, we still had one Katniss last year, and even a Cadnisse because mom was feeling sultry. Two named Daenerys, one named Daeneryz (ugh) five named Khaleesi and one Khaleeci. One Mystique, I assume for the X-Men character. And two girls’ parents thought the psychotic villainous clown Harley-Quinn was a good namesake.

Nux might be some kind of cultural name, but a cursory Google search never goes awry. You’ve named your baby girl the same name as that crazy dude in Mad Max: Fury Road who sprays paint on his teeth before trying to suicide bomb Charlize Theron. At least now you know why nineteen-year-old boys scream “SHINY AND CHROME!” every time you introduce your infant.

List time!

Terrible spellings of good names:

  • Abbeygayl
  • Ameelya
  • Bhyllie
  • Ellyotte
  • Jhyllian, Jyllyann
  • Joclynn
  • Josaphinaa
  • Juel
  • Klayre
  • Kwinn
  • Lillyn
  • Marlhyza

Terrible spellings of bad names:

  • Beautifull
  • Infiniti
  • Librity
  • Lyllac
  • Mirakle
  • Phenix, Phoneix
  • Reighvyn
  • Serinity
  • Shyne (3 of them!)
  • Syliss
  • Trinitee

Weirdest of the weird:

  • Horstars
  • Loklyee-Snow
  • Sparrows
  • Starrly
  • Temperley

Word names I can not believe:

  • Obsolete
  • Surrender
  • Anarchy
  • Rebel/Rebell
  • Gentry

You know, middle names are a thing:

  • Abi-Gurl-Arianna-Kendra
  • Buhle-Nissi-Melody
  • Emily-Etta-Lynn
  • Khloe-Jade-Marry-ann
  • Mikwan-Rosecaroline
  • Hannahbryell
  • Kassymadison

Babies primed to release their first indie pop albums:

  • Ga
  • JLa
  • KC-Kendall
  • LJ
  • Lorde (seriously…?)
  • M.
  • Ma.
  • NaaLa
  • SiLa
  • V

Awful X names:

  • Bexley
  • Brexli
  • Brixton/Brixtyn
  • Kaelyx
  • Lenyxx
  • Rixyn
  • Ryxea
  • Vhylix
  • Xxena

Just plain bad:

  • Arralyssa
  • Casdiel
  • Enzlee
  • Jezrybel
  • Kcenia
  • Khaisley-Trishel
  • Kirksteen
  • Kristiffany
  • Mraeven
  • Skylynde

I think my vote for the worst girl name of 2015 is MaCrssyn. I have no idea how it’s pronounced and all the ways I can think to say it, it sounds terrible. You win.


Disclaimer: This is all done in fun and not intended to hurt feelings. I know that baby names are a very personal taste. If you like, you can denounce my love of traditional stand-bys like Arthur and Clara (sadly neither of which run well with the last name Rhodes.)

March 15, 2016



Hey guys. I'm just some girl who enjoys life and thinks a lot. I'm a full-time wife & mom who loves gardens, coffee dates and cats, particularly my cat.