Bad Baby Names

2015 Boy Names

July 8, 2016

Alphabetical list of all boy names in Alberta, Canada (2015)

Yeesh! 2015 was a hard year for Albertans and unfortunately things probably won’t improve anytime soon for some of these poor boys!

Well, let’s just get some housekeeping items out of the way before we really get started. There were 851 Sounds-Like-Aiden names in 2013, and 810 in 2014. How did we do in 2015? A round of applause! We’re down to “just” 748 Sounds-Like-Aiden names! Of course it’s never without some very special and creative new additions: Aydden, Eyden, Jhayden and Nayden. Yep, the world needed a Nayden.

How’s the “Misspelling-of-Jackson” epidemic coming along? 261 in 2013; 258 in 2014. Another shining victory! 218 misspellings in 2015 and no new mutations! Great job, everyone. Together we can triumph over this blight. Even if I have to see Jaxxxonnn before it goes, it’ll be worth it—although one thing I didn’t see coming is a shift from Jackson to Mackson (Macksen, Macsen, Maxen, Maxon and Maxxon). Maybe I spoke too soon. Also, I think we should keep an eye on these new Sounds-Like-Nathan names: Aithen, Athan, Ed-Eythan, Kathon and Laythan lest it become the new Aiden. (I suppose Alfrednathan doesn’t count.) Can’t we just leave a nice name alone?

Calyx? Calix? Kalix? What the heck? Man do I hate these “X” names. Bentryx, Braddax, Daximus, Ferox, Haxton, Hexten, Jennex, Knoxin, Lyxen, Maxcyrus, Ryxer, Trixan and Zaylex. The snappy ones are even worse: Banx, Brix, Broxx, Jix and Parx. Ugh. All terrible. Go home. And that’s not even touching the utter wreckage that is Bexlen, Bexsyn, Bexton, Bexzen, Braxden, Braxdyn, Braxen, Braxson, Braxten, Braxton, Braxtyn and Bryxton.

Caron. Because spelling it “Karen” would be embarrassing on a boy. And we’ll just have to see how little Joscelyn and Susan fare.

I guess Finass is a Swiss name but this guy’s gonna have it rough in high school. Same with Semon.

Cabryn. Because I liked how the name Cameron sounded when I had a cold.

Kaiyler? How is this pronounced? If it’s just “Kyler” then you’ve got way too many vowels in there.

Azlan was a super fitting name when Dillon used it for his Draenei paladin a few years back… but not for an Albertan kid in 2015.

Two boys were named Pheonix, a misspelling of Phoenix. Was that on purpose or…?

Bale. At best you’ve named your son for a pile of hay. At worst, it sounds like that ole Caananite god that people used to sacrifice their babies to.

What happened here?!? I couldn’t believe someone named their son Riot and then I saw Rhiott, Riott, Ryatt, Ryett, and Ryitt. Is naming your child after civil unrest not enough? You need to have a unique spelling on top of it? The mind boggles.

18 people named their kid Aryan. I think says it best: “Given its white supremacist connotations, we suggest you try the “Arian” spelling.”

Bow can be friends with Arrow and Bowe can be friends with Aarow. Psalmdavid and DaveGracious should meet up with a guitar. Stryder and Stryker can just sit and be cool together. Lynx, Wolfie, Gabrielfox, Bearyn and Ashwolfe can form a pack and live in the wild. How nice.

Bastiaan, Decclan, Greysson, Hendrixx, Parkker… Okay, look. I know you want to be “original” and “unique” but by arbitrarily doubling a letter in your kid’s name, you’re just making a giant headache for everyone (especially the kid) and now it looks super dumb written down. Resist the urge.

Buh. Let’s get the lists over with.

Terrible spellings of good names:

  • Cahlym
  • D’Eklyn
  • Jaekob/Jaykub
  • Knoah
  • Lee-Am
  • Lynkan
  • Maecen
  • Mykel
  • Ramzy
  • Raygen
  • Ryely, Rhialley
  • Zacarey, Zackharry

(The metric I use for these ones is pretty much “how much of a pain in the butt will this name be for the kid?” A spelling like Kaleb gets a shrug from me because he’ll always just say “It’s Caleb with a K” and then everyone can get along with their lives. But Lee-am? Every time, he’ll have to be like, “It’s Liam but it’s like, Lee dash am. L-E-E dash A-M. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I guess my mom needed to be special.” There’s no quick way to explain how to spell it so he’ll have to start from scratch each time.)

Terrible spellings of bad names:

  • Brantcyn
  • Kadynz
  • Lhyrik
  • Prycely
  • Roczen
  • Phynnton

I guess it increases the “fricken-awesome” factor to spell it wrong:

  • Blayde
  • Brayzen
  • Bryk
  • Dreamz
  • Feenix
  • Havik
  • Hayze
  • Jerzy
  • Kaos
  • Khyzer
  • Raevon
  • Raige
  • Shyne

And then there’s just “trying too hard to be cool”:

  • Aeon
  • Brashdon
  • Kezsler
  • Kyzen
  • Ryzen
  • Tyverious
  • Xaviyon/Xzayvien
  • Zennyn

Just plain weird:

  • Callings
  • Chrisker
  • Dathatreyan
  • Den-Mark
  • Harden
  • Jetson
  • Larxaniel
  • Lezayne
  • Mister
  • Rizton
  • Windyian
  • Woodson
  • Wrightkin

Boys who may well get their butts kicked for their stuffy names:

  • Adriandale
  • Brandtley
  • Burkleigh
  • Chamberlain
  • Denzworth
  • Eisenhower
  • Forbes
  • Glarrence
  • Hemingway
  • Lougheed

Boys whose parents opted to pound their fist on a keyboard rather than crack a baby name book:

  • Haythandoh
  • Jahvaryx
  • Jheydrix
  • Kemzenum
  • Kibirleamlak
  • Jaitegbir

Weirdest of the word names:

  • Diamond
  • Fortress
  • Gory
  • Holy
  • Ransom
  • Sharp
  • Sky-Light

(Plus so many more word names but ughhhh I’m bored of them now. Do us all a favour and stop naming kids Thunder and Midnight and stuff.)

Promising DJing careers over here:

  • A.
  • Jai-R
  • JC-Abriel
  • JMaxx
  • K-Jay
  • Mc
  • Md
  • MJD
  • OJ

Odd nature names spelled right:

  • Finch
  • Bracken
  • Onyx
  • Hiker

Odd nature Names spelled wrong:

  • Aspynn
  • Berch
  • Shayle
  • Tallon

Alberta has a new pantheon to deal with. Great names in their own context, super dramatic on modern babies who may grow up and just want to be dentists or accountants.

  • Achilles
  • Aries
  • Atlas
  • Azrael
  • Castor
  • Icarus
  • Orion, O’rion
  • Osiris
  • Perseus
  • Thor
  • Tiberius
  • Titan

Okay, I think we need to discuss something. Did you know you can really like something and still not name your baby for it? Do you know how many times I’ve watched The Neverending Story? Plenty, okay. Plenty. I don’t need to name my kid Atreyu to prove it. I’ve touched on this concept before, but do you really want your kid associated with one specific thing forever? Do you not realize how quickly it must get old for them? You know there’s every likelihood that Gallifrey will think Doctor Who is poorly-written (except for Blink) and overrated, right? And that Anakin might want to go on a date one day? And that Riddick will have to apply for a job? Smarten up.

  • Anakin (and Anikin)
  • Atreyu
  • Ender
  • Gallifrey
  • Gotham
  • Riddick
  • Thorin (and Thoren and Thoryn)
  • Zeddicus

I can barely even narrow down the worst boy names of 2015, let alone choose one. I have a soft spot for Blaicen since it sounds like a dumb kid trying to make fun of the name Jason, but the others are horrible in their own rights. Zaiden-Taylon can not be ignored. Chriszyron is just something else.  I can’t stop shaking my head in despair long enough to make a decision.

  • Autzlee
  • Avelysen
  • Blaicen
  • Chriszyron
  • Jayssiegift
  • Nexland
  • Zaiden-Taylon

Disclaimer: This is all done in fun and not intended to hurt feelings. I know that baby names are a very personal taste. If you like, you can denounce my love of traditional stand-bys like Arthur and Clara (sadly neither of which run well with the last name Rhodes.)



Hey guys. I'm just some girl who enjoys life and thinks a lot. I'm a full-time wife & mom who loves gardens, coffee dates and cats, particularly my cat.