Gemini Relationships

I Know I Can Love You

December 8, 2010
much better than this; full of grace
my love.

It’s been a good couple weeks. With so many weekly-occurring activities, the time does sort of blend together. I’m slightly more busy than is comfortable for me, but I like this type of energy right before Christmas. It looks like I can take some time off at the end of the month, so that’ll be… valued.

My ninth grade self would’ve had a conniption at being told about all the casual hanging out I’ve been doing with Tom Freakin’ Rhodes in the last two weeks. Life’s funny like that. In other news, probably by the next youth retreat, I will not be able to use, “I have never seen the original Star Wars movies,” playing that I Have Never game because, thanks to Tom, I am now well on my way to having seen all of them.

Youth group on Sunday was really special, and I can’t really put my finger on why. It was a combined event and it seemed like there were a ton of kids there. Maybe it reminded me of the Chad days. Some leaders went to Jared and Ang’s afterwards and we had a real nice time just talking. I love that.

And yesterday, Katie and Jon and Jeff came over to make cookies and play guitar. It was so much fun that I can hardly describe it with words. It felt like we were, I don’t know, taking back a form of entertainment or something. To have so much fun with people for so long without looking at a screen; maybe that was it. Or maybe it feels good to be carelessly creative; to just make up songs because it’s fun and for no other reason. Or to sing church songs with Jeff, songs we’ve known by heart for a decade, but hearing them new because Jon and Katie were hearing them for the first time. Whatever it was, last night was beautiful.

We got to talking about relationships afterwards, and it was mused upon that neither Katie or I have had our hearts broken. I said last night that I would almost welcome heartbreak in my life, because it’d mean I had a love strong enough for that. I’ve thought about that a bit since then, but I don’t take back what I said. I think it would be awesome to fall in love against my will. To just love someone so much it burns. If it ends in my devastation, it ends in my devastation. Better to have loved and lost.

Even better to have loved and loved ever after.

  1. Reply

    Admiral Naishington

    December 9, 2010

    A very warm recap. Thoroughly Enjoyed.

  2. Reply


    December 22, 2010

    I’m not so sure. Heartbreak can be devastating. It seems very romantic from the outside, but to wish for it is a bit like wishing for stage 4 cancer, or bankruptcy, or your own parent’s death. There is nothing beautiful, virtuous, or romantic about the real thing. It is ugly, and painful, and often meaningless.

    Far better is the slow growth of mutual love between friends, which transforms into passion and partnership. Something that helps you grow and become better, rather than something that pulls you back and apart and often leaves you worse for the experience.

    I have reached a stage in life where many friends and aquaintances have gone through the ultimate heartbreak of divorce. I am not sure it is possible to survive the experience without becoming a bit harder, more cynical, and more bitter than you were before. I have never met anyone who was a better person after the experience.

  3. Reply


    December 22, 2010

    I wasn’t meaning to glorify heartbreak. I just don’t think I’d ever be able to be heartbroken unless I’d fallen in love first, which something I hope to experience in my life. I’ve loved my boyfriends but deep down I know I have never been IN love. I’d rather experience that AND heartbreak rather than experience neither. (But of course, I’d prefer to take the “being in love” without the heartbreak.)



Hey guys. I'm just some girl who enjoys life and thinks a lot. I'm a full-time wife & mom who loves gardens, coffee dates and cats, particularly my cat.