Bad Baby Names

2016 Girl Names

June 22, 2017

Welcome back, everyone! And thanks for joining me for this year’s Best of the Worst.

Ladies first as usual. I have to admit, none of this year’s girl names made me fall out of my chair so I think we’re making some progress. Tom suggested that I’m just becoming desensitized to crazy names, and he may be right! I pretty much scrolled right on past Treasure, Favour, Lovely, Victorious, Royalty, Majesty, Precious, Hallelujah (and Halleluyah), Rhythm, Dancing, Princess (all ten of them, though admittedly Queendyn gave me pause), Legacy, Honesty, Shining, Pretty and Beautiful.

Is it me, or is naming your kid Beautiful kind of a lose-lose situation? Either she really will be beautiful and then it’s, like, funneling her identity into one trait while tooting her own horn. Or else she’ll be, you know, not traditionally beautiful and the name will just be a teasing point.

Anyways, I was only briefly tripped up upon seeing one girl named Renesmee, three named Daenerys, six named Khaleesi and the apparently-now-obligatory HarleyQuinn. At least she has nickname options.

At first glance I thought Canssendra was a weird rendering of Cassandra but it’s Can-sendra? And Shawstasia, at first I read Shawn-tasia but it’s Shaw-stasia. I don’t know if Emliy was just a typo or if it’s actually supposed to be EM-lee-ee.

I picture big dresses and bigger hair when I see Avonmora, Dessephany, Elizatrice, Gemmalena, Macallana, Nivannalee and Shamayabelle.

Sundance, Riversong, Morningstar and Sunshine are probably already braiding each other’s hair in a meadow somewhere.

On the flip side, we have some high-octane ladies here with Adenesine, Esuperance, Finity, Infiniti, Horizon and Hypherion!

Petrichor · a pleasant smell that frequently accompanies the first rain after a long period of warm, dry weather. Also a terrible name for a daughter

Csea? Is this like Ce-ce?

Remember when hyphenated names were like Carol-Ann and Mary-Beth? Now we’ve got Journey-Shelly-Bassima, Shayna-Bridget-Jean, Aayla-Secura, Envy-Anastasia, Joezeph-Anaiah, Johanah-Lovejoy, Melody-Moxxi, Myskye-Mae (??), Princess-Benely, Walny-Pearl and Willow-Blaisse.

Tinbit. This name may originate from Singapore but you nearly named your daughter after our national food!

Tierney. I have it on good authority that when shouted at the playground, this name sounds like “tyranny”. Although people are willing to name their daughters Sham, Sift and Snit so maybe that’s not even a problem.

Myself, I can usually do without girl names containing two of X, Y or Z. Thus, not a huge fan of Hazyn, Jzelxie, Jzeynel, Kennzyl, Rylex, Xyelean, Zhkye or Zhyryn.


A couple of improvements, though! In the last few years we’ve always had at least one Symphany, but not this year! Just a Symphony. Still pretty dramatic, but the correct spelling brings down my blood pressure a little. Also, we have our unavoidable horde of girls named Serenity (29) but all are spelled right! High five, Alberta!

You win some and you lose some. Spelling variations are pretty rock n’ roll around here apparently, and some are harder to handle than others. Because of the name “Beverly”, it seems reasonable for “Everly” to be the standard spelling of that name, although last year we saw six additional variations (Everlea, Everlee, Everleigh, Everley, Everli and Everlie). But what happens when the name is newer to the scene like Brynlee? This spelling had the most occurrences, 31, but the name appeared 88 times in total with eleven (!) additional variations: Brinlee, Brinley, Brinly, Brynlea, Brynleigh, Brynley, Brynlie, Brynnlee, Brynnley, Brynnlie and Brynnly. I don’t know about you, but it gives me a headache. After writing down “B-R-“, someone trying to spell that name is completely hung out to dry. With no logical standard spelling, the bearers of this name will have to spell their particular /brɪnli/ each time, even if they’re using the most popular version. Trying the “default” spelling will only lead you right 35% of the time for 2016 babies.

I guess that’s my main grievance with spelling variations. It gets out of hand and then even names that everyone should be able to spell without a fuss become an absolute no-man’s-land because they could easily be dealing with one of the outliers.

Take a classic, Abigail. In 2016 we had fourteen (in my view, unnecessary) variations: Abagail, Abaigael, Abbigail, Abbigaile, Abbigale, Abbygail, Abbygale, Abbygayle, Abegaile, Abigael, Abigaël, Abigaille, Abigale and Abygail. My friend Katie made me laugh when she said she wanted to answer the question, “how is your daughter Abigail’s name spelled?” with, “correctly.”

Chloe, Chloé, Cloé, Cloey, Kloe, Kloé, Kloë, Klohie, Klohee, Klowey araghhhh does it ever stop getting worse? No, so let’s do the lists.

Good names spelled badly:

  • Aadison
  • Alyxiah
  • Averii, Ayveri
  • Chlaire
  • Ellyawna
  • Ellyette
  • Emileigha
  • Jooley, Jouly
  • Kaydanse
  • Kayte
  • Khelea
  • Makynlee
  • Mykaella
  • Oktavyah
  • Rowxianne

Bad names spelled badly:

  • Aavenley
  • Cassiaus
  • Errhyl
  • Jurri
  • Lyriek
  • Nixynn

Weirdest of the -lyn/n names:

  • Ayrelynn, Icelynn
  • Cashlynn, Nashlynn
  • Chevralynn
  • Draydalyn
  • Fayelynn (failin’?), Phraelynn
  • Keithlyn
  • Kerzlyn
  • Layklynn
  • Shaitlyn (…really)

Odd Choices for Girls

  • Thompson
  • Windsor
  • Ross-Manuel
  • Ellington
  • Bane

Weird nature names:

  • Balsam
  • Magpie
  • Maple
  • Onyx
  • Peach
  • Prairie
  • Sequoia
  • Swan
  • Zephyr

Words spelled wrong:

  • Genisis
  • Heven
  • Kloud
  • Luckee
  • Meadau
  • Oshyn (hahaha, oh geez.)
  • Phoenyx
  • Rysk
  • Saege
  • Sunnye
  • Temprence
  • Valintyne

Apostrophe party:

  • M’Mahyillah
  • Makena’lei
  • N’nya
  • Sy’Rai

Names I just don’t know what to do with:

  • Alexziabiel
  • Chleatala
  • Chlydemarc
  • Christsnowrey
  • Dungehan
  • Jardashley
  • Juaneviére
  • Mrouge
  • Serraydan
  • Shelaighza
  • Vryzelle

Just plain bad:

  • Alxenna
  • Blessy
  • Brinkley
  • Elsecca
  • Lekxel
  • Lorkens
  • Mhazine
  • Pietranella
  • Schenley

I’d say the worst girl name for 2016 is Mi’Shayah-Rosé. An apostrophe OR a hyphen, not both for heaven’s sake! Some brazen choices here but the girl list is straight-up softball compared to the boy list.

Disclaimer: As always, this is just for fun and not meant to hurt feelings. If your kid’s name is in here, I’ll send you my list of prospective daughter names and you can call them boring AF.

February 17, 2017



Hey guys. I'm just some girl who enjoys life and thinks a lot. I'm a full-time wife & mom who loves gardens, coffee dates and cats, particularly my cat.